A Vanilla Villain's Variant Villanelle

 “After reviewing the Constitution and the rules we must follow, the administration team determined those works/persons were not eligible.”

– Dave McCarty’s much-repeated statement on the 2023 Hugo Awards.

 

 

A Vanilla Villain's Variant Villanelle

It’s wrong to allege we were mere censors’ tools;
If you knew all the facts, you’d condone our behavior.
I grok Chinese fans, and was their White Savior.
I maintain the Committee just followed the rules.

We guarded our fellows by serving as footstools!
The Committee’s allowed to use our discretion,
so we bowed to preempt any Chinese repression.
It’s wrong to allege we were mere censors’ tools.

To dodge any offense, we looked hard for cesspools.
So what, if we glitched on some searchable facts?
Our Ineligible rulings were protective acts;
I maintain the Committee just followed the rules.

I knew we’d be hearing some protesting mewls,
so I massaged data while dragging things out,
and blamed lots of factors for the info-drought.
It’s wrong to allege we were mere censors’ tools.

Those who’ve assailed us are ignorant fools;
My Facebook inquirers, I rightly rejected,
except for Neil Gaiman; the ONLY affected.
I maintain the Committee just followed the rules.

So sorry I / we had to bury some jewels.
I’d have liked to give Weimer some facetime to vent,
But I’d have said that we ruled just the way that we meant.
It’s wrong to allege we were mere censors’ tools.
I maintain the Committee just followed the rules.

 

(I thought the repetitive nature of a villanelle was a perfect match for McCarty's self-referential defensive statements. Yes, I know a true villanelle should have been five tercets followed by a quadrain, not five quadrains followed by a quintain. But I needed a bit more space, and I am proud of some of these rhymes.)

 

UPDATE same day: Edited to fix McCarty's name.